Am I alive? lying at the edge of darkness awaiting the slow death of night that surrenders to the rebirth of day feeling the involuntary rise of my diaphragm filling with gases of life contracting to expel the unwanted my ear pressed against Egyptian cotton my arrhythmic pulse amplified by my awareness as I await my return to the realm of subconscious refuge to rejoin the slumber of my neighbourhood those not under siege by the rambling thoughts of insomnia.
Medically living, vital signs of respiration and coronary activity no need for medical attention my body turns on my bed of unrest my mind unable to close the door against the flood of thoughts marching like an invasion battalions of memories armed with weapons of fear and self doubt setting off explosions of anxiety that rip through the logic and reason the marching columns stomping over the last vestiges of resistance laying down again to the dark forces while awaiting the cavalry of sleep that never rides.
I am not dead not yet oxygenated blood pumps through my arteries allowing the thoughts to manifest a never ending series of Big Bang theories that formulate by a self replicating genesis of uncontrolled experiments evolving to evoke emotions then drifting like vapour to make way for the next theory of chaos to be filled with relativity of my own making light existing in my mind battling with the dark army of thoughts casting shadows in which I seek refuge where I exist in unreality.
I survive a resistance fighter waiting for the battle to end, neither victory nor defeat, but a ceasefire, an accord, so that I can emerge to declare a temporary peace.